I joined a moms' meetup group in Collierville recently to a) make new mom friends (since I'm missing my old ones in the worst way!) and b) find out what all there is to do with a toddler in the area. The good news is that there's plenty of fun things for us to do, which we've been taking full advantage of. But the making new friends part isn't going so well. In San Diego, hardly anyone was originally from there so everyone was always open to meeting new people. I mean, I went to one meetup there and walked away with two women's numbers who I'm friends with to this day.
But the women here are proving to be much more clique-y. In Collierville it seems that everyone is from there or has been there a long time or has already reached their friend quota because not one person has yet to show any interest in making a new friend. And I have a really hard time going up to people who are already talking together in a group and inserting myself into their conversation. I just feel rude. I've tried to make little comments to some of the stragglers not yet involved in a conversation but they just smile or give a short answer and move on. And my usual ice-breaker question "So, where are you from?" is just met with weird looks, as if "Duh, I'm from here" is a given.
Plus, and this is my fault, I'm kind of picky about who I want to be friends with. Don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about ethnicity -- that bears no weight with me. But I do want someone who is close to my age and has a child close to Wilder's age -- there's no point in befriending someone with a 6-year-old or a 6-month-old for example because he/she and Wilder won't be able to play together well. Also, I want someone who isn't annoying and whose child isn't annoying. And that's always a tall order no matter where you live. Also, this potential new friend must have a similar parenting style and similar beliefs about child-rearing. For example, if you're feeding your child Coke and Cheetos and telling me what his favorite TV show is, our friendship is over before it began.
Oh, and this last one is pretty awful and doesn't always apply, but I've found that it's usually difficult for me to be friends with someone with more than one small child. Keeping an eye on one kid while carrying on a conversation is doable but trying to wrangle two kids and also get in some quality mom time is next to impossible. I can glance around for two seconds, locate Wilder, and return to what I was saying so when the person I'm trying to talk to is chasing down kids in two different directions and then returning having forgotten what they were talking about -- call me a "parent-to-an-only-child snob" but it's kind of annoying. Again, this does not always apply -- I have several friends with multiple kids (hello all of you, I love you!) and it works fine, but it's been my experience that, more often than not, I do better with other "parent-to-an-only-child snobs" especially since we have no plans to give Wilder a little brother or sister anytime soon.
So it's been hard, but I shall persist. I'm determined to make at least one new friend for Wilder and me through this process. I know he's missing his buddies too and I feel so bad when I don't get him around other kids because I know how much he loves it and how good it is for him. So, anyone got any Southern-friendly conversation starters for me to try?
No comments:
Post a Comment